Resilience is such an important building block in the trauma toolbox, especially after sexual abuse. Fear, depression, anxiety, anger and betrayal feel rocky and unbalanced. Resilience keeps us strong and balanced when challenges come before us. We are able to hold our ground and weather the storms of life. It develops when we stand on a solid foundation of hope, love and trust.

Having Hope

Hope anchors when we have something to look forward to. You may not be in the best place at the moment, but there is a gut feeling deep down that something can change. That “gut” feeling is our intuition working to move us in another direction that is aligned with our soul.

Your Soul’s Purpose

Our soul has a specific purpose for us. It knows exactly what it came here to do and learn. We are each endowed with unique gifts from our soul. These gifts enable us to fulfill our soul’s purpose.

Discover Your Gifts

Discovering Your Gifts

When we begin to discover our gifts, we are able to move towards our purpose. This brings self-confidence and happiness as we are in alignment with our soul. It also may come with challenges, but we feel, in our gut, that we’re heading in the right direction.

Feeling Out of Alignment

When life gets super challenging, it is a signal that we are out of alignment with our soul. We are consumed by so many feelings, that our purpose takes a back seat and self-esteem tanks. Our negative emotions and feelings become our main drive. Our soul will eventually step in to correct and gently get us back on track. Although it may feel like it, it will never abandon us.

Sexual Assault and Resilience

If you’ve experienced sexual assault and trauma, you’re probably filled with a combination of fear, anxiety, stress, depression, unworthiness, shame, guilt and sadness. Our inner strength stays hidden.

When our purpose is hidden, we lose our direction and lose hope. Our resilience is greatly diminished as we become thrown around in the hurricane of the negative thoughts and emotions that trauma bring. Our purpose is covered up underneath all that, just waiting for us to reconnect to it.

Discover Our Souls Gifts

With Our Souls Help

As I said, our soul will gently nudge us back into alignment. We have to do our part by being willing to let go of the suffering and train to hear the soul’s directions. It takes courage to do this. Developing our intuition is a great way to get in touch with our soul. We get a clear message, our resilience and self-confidence goes way up, because we get confirmation whether we are heading in the right direction or not, based upon our souls guidance.

Developing Your Intuition

When faced with a decision, we oftentimes will look to someone around us to make the decision. We actually have an internal guide; our soul/highest self, to assist us in making the best decision for us. It is based in the heart and the gut, not the head and it’s called intuition.
It can only be accessed in quiet and most times doesn’t speak in words. It may come to us as a “gut” feeling or an inner “knowing” that can’t be explained. Have you ever had a time when you had an inkling about something, then didn’t follow it and you ended up regretting it? That is your intuition/soul attempting to guide you. Sometimes we will get intuitive messages through symbols around us, a sign, a song, or a dream.

The 4 Clairs

There are basically 4 types of intuitive messages. We are usually better at 1 or 2 of them.
1. Clairaudience: Clairaudient messages sound like someone talking to you in your head. This voice will never be harsh or tormenting (unlike voices that people who have certain psychological conditions, severe hormone imbalances, or vitamin and mineral deficiencies can hear). The tone of this voice is almost always the same: even and calm with short to the point messages.
2. Clairvoyance: Clairvoyant messages, which arrive as an image or scene in my mind, usually come as a metaphor.
3. Clairsentience: Clairsentient messages come through as a feeling. It is the most common of the four clairs.
4. Claircognizance: It’s when our brains get an immediate download from our intuition, just like when you download a large amount of information into your computer’s hard drive. Although when it happens to a human brain, the download occurs within a few seconds.

Receive Your Souls Messages

How do you receive your intuitive messages?

Five Ways to Deepen Your Intuition
1. Meditate: In meditation, we quiet the mind. With a quiet mind we are able to get in
touch with that inner guidance. In time, we begin to trust that guidance.
2. Ask for guidance: Ask Spirit, the Universe, God for guidance. They are here just waiting for you to ask. Because of free will, they will not intervene until you ask. (Ask and It Is Given by Abraham Hicks is a wonderful book about this!) This can be done anywhere, anytime- but in the beginning, best if done in a quiet place where you can “hear” or feel the guidance. Many times it will come as a whisper or it may come later on in a song, on a truck sign or something someone says to you that you connect back to your question.
3. Trust and go with your gut/heart. Start with small things like what color shirt you should wear or what to have for breakfast, working up to more important decisions. Place your hand on your stomach (for gut) or heart and feel the answer.
4. Pay attention to your visceral reactions: the physical things you feel in your body. When thinking of doing something in question ask: what am I sensing…tightness, nausea, openness, lightness, relief. Follow your body’s messages. They are important.
5. Traffic Light: Internally ask yourself a question and seeing a traffic light in your mind’s eye, see what color of the traffic light lights up; green for yes, red for no, yellow for maybe.

On to Love…

Resilience and self-empowerment grow even stronger as we begin to develop self-love because we are building our energetic (and physical) heart muscle when we clear away the blocks to loving ourselves. A healthy heart is very resilient to the ups and downs of life! Unconditional self-love means that you love yourself no matter what! There is nothing you have to do to be loved. You are loved as your birthright.

No matter what you’ve done in the past, no matter what you do today. It is a decision…a commitment that you make to yourself. You’re forgiving yourself of the past, leveling the playing field and moving forward in love. This brings a much deeper understanding of love. One that is not romantic, but is a state of being that we align with.

Looking for Love In All The Wrong Places

We’ve been taught to seek love outside of ourselves. Love lives within us. It is only when we find self-love for ourselves, are we able to extend it to another in a healthy way.

Finding Love Within

Finding Love Within

If you place your hand on your heart and sit quietly for a moment, you will begin to feel something-yes you will feel your heartbeat, but you will also feel something deeper; it could be heat, you might feel a tingle, or just a feeling of spaciousness. You may even hear a message of love from your guides or angels. You may feel nothing. It can take a few times to develop the sensitivity to feel it, but don’t give up. As you continue to do this simple energy exercise, you will begin to sense more.

Don’t Give Up On Loving Yourself

“Don’t give up” is a very powerful affirmation for me. As Winston Churchill said, “Never, never, never give up.” It doesn’t matter how many times you fall, all you have to do is get up! So when you say that you’re going to love yourself and you “fail” at something and want to get down on yourself, you still have to love yourself. Love isn’t conditional. Once you make the commitment, you don’t get to decide to love or not. As you do this, self-love grows. And as self-love grows, so does resilience.


Trust happens when we believe in something greater than ourselves. I don’t know how people get through this life without divine helpers. There was a time in my life when I felt so alone.

Opening To The Divine

Opening to the Divine

I didn’t realize that each of us comes with an army of helpers on the “other side”, our divine friends and family. I struggled with believing that things that seemed out of my reach were possible. It was when I began to connect with angels and guides that my life shifted. It started off slowly, as I was hesitant at first, but as my confidence grew, so did those relationships and a deep trust developed. This trust helped me to know that I wasn’t alone, that I could never be abandoned and that I didn’t have to do everything, especially the things that are difficult, scary and feel impossible. Your resilience will skyrocket when you begin to work with your guides.

Resilience is So Important In The Recovery from Sexual Abuse

Resilience is so important to managing the ups and downs of sexual assault and trauma. I offer spiritual therapies in this blog. Pick 1 or 2 and add them to your practices. May your resilient self begin to emerge along with greater self-confidence and inner strength to guide you to greater happiness.